When i skip a work out, i punish myself by eating way less than usual, or not at all.

You know what is annoying? Having to drop your life for someone else—THAT is annoying.

I love my sister and all, and I’m glad she found a hobby…but why do I have to be miserable because she wants to have fun?

I really HATE how me being in theater in high school was a problem for everyone because of “transportation” AND the fact that while I was TRYING to participate in my favorite hobby, for ONCE in my life, I had to also find away to keep my sister happy in her little hobby too.

It’s a bitch because my parents always told me “If you want to participate in after school activities, wait till you drive.” They hated theater and really wanted nothing to do with it, so I had really no choice but to wait till I got my license. I turn 16. Get my license. Can finally drive. But instead of driving myself to go audition for shit, and go to practice and stuff, I’m over here driving my sister to her expensive dance classes and her stupid drill team practices.

It’s so unfair, and it pisses me off that my parents do not see this. Then they’ll use “grades” to justify everything. Bitches, just because she makes better grades than I do, doesn’t mean I have to give up my life for her. I’m not catching grenades for ANYBODY.

Come this summer, I don’t plan on being home at all. I’ma elope to Canada.

If I get hungry, I drink a slim fast.

Truth is, I’m scared to put anything in my mouth anymore. I’ve come so far, and I’m afraid to mess anything up.

You know how you expect your so called “friends” to support you, and then they don’t?

That’s what I’m going through right now.

I always said, if I ever got where I wanted to be in life, I’ll never forget the friends that supported me and helped me and believed in me.

HAHA.

Guess I’m going to be forgetting a lot of people.

Oooh I just can’t wait for that moment when I’m on a red carpet, and I see someone calling my name saying “CHEYENNE! I CANT GET IN! DON’T YOU KNOW ME?!”

I have no one to thank but myself, God, my parents and my supporters on youtube.

Someone who has a fast metabolism saying “Losing weight is easy!”

BITCH NO IT ISN’T.

THIS is coming from someone who isn’t fortunate enough to have a fast metabolism. Someone who actually has to WORK OUT and LIFT WEIGHTS to get to the weight she wants.

Lucky you. You eat whatever you want, and the fat goes nowhere. But for us not so fortunate people, we eat, and it goes to our thighs, then our arms, and the worst area—our stomachs.

It is NOT EASY.

Looking at the scale and not seeing any improvements is NOT EASY.

Feeling pressured to look at the scale EVERY SECOND after you eat something, and being disappointed when you do? NOT EASY.

Having no one rooting for you or supporting you is NOT EASY.

Wanting to skip meals or going days without eating because you’re afraid to put anything in your mouth.

Then there are those times where you want to just give up, and start thinking that you’ll be a fatass forever.

You’ve been skinny ALL YOUR LIFE, and you want to sit here and criticize larger people as if you’ve lived their life before? You don’t KNOW what it’s like.

You don’t know anything. That person you call “fat and lazy” might have a disease that makes them the way they are.

Like me. I have PCOS. I have to be careful about what goes in my mouth. The littlest things can make me gain a full pound in less than 24/hrs. IT IS NOT EASY.

Although I will admit, if you look at me, you would not think that I am “fat”. Thankfully I am tall, so everything evens out. But I am not happy with how much I weigh, which is why I am trying everything I can this time around to change things.

And I don’t mean to pick on this person because they are my best friend, but seeing that ignorance really got me angry.

My friends are either one of the following:

Emo “I want to be alone” fucks who never want to have fun, yet, complain that no one ever wants to talk to them, and wonder WHY.

Druggies who do EVERY illegal substance in the book, who are train wrecks waiting to happen.

Sluts.

Weaboos.

Seriously?! I’m starting to think I’m losing my “best friend” of 6 years. Ever since he admitted he was gay, he’s turned lame. This is not the first time this has happened with someone. This boy named Casey came out, and all of a sudden turned into a lame fuck. Now the same thing is happening with my supposed to be BFF.

All he cares about is this high school boy he has a big crush on, who is an in the closet faggot. I’m pretty sure he cares about him more than he cares about me.

He’s going on this “No text/IM/talking/visits/etc” mode now, so he doesn’t even text me anymore. But I KNOW he texts that stupid crush of his ALL the time. Yet when I text him, its a big fat silence.

What I feel myself doing now, is I’m hanging on to what I can. Until I find some new friends who don’t suck, don’t ditch, and like to have dun. I know that sounds horrible, but whatever. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive, right?

Its really disappointing because I saw me and him doing big things in the future. He was my first REAL friend, and now it’s like…he’s slowly drifting away. lol, and when we stop being friends, I know he’s going to be the first to say that It was my fault we’re not friends anymore. BECAUSE THATS WHAT THE REASON ALWAYS IS. YES. I PUSHED YOU AWAY. I PUSHED YOU AWAY BY NOT TEXTING YOU. BLOWING YOU OFF FOR A BOY THAT DOESN’T LIKE ME. NEVER WANTING TO HANG OUT.

Yes.

It was all me.

I’m like alcohol right now. Blame that shit on me.